Takin' over the 'hood.

Sometimes I like to think of myself as a gangsta. The linchpin of organised crime in my student, drug and greens infested neighbourhood. I would have:

- Body Guards
- A dog that doesn't cower at the vacuum cleaners/wooden flute and bark when you turn the radio on. He would have already mastered the 'kill' stance, and wouldn't whimper when you take his collar off.
- A crack pipe. I have never had the desire to smoke crack, but I think if I was a linchpin of organised crime I would do more than occasionally smoke joints. Perhaps I could turn the lounge room into an opium den.
- Respect. You might not understand this point if you don't live in my area. When you're walking down the street, trying to find the latest cafe craze or the right bar you need to make sure that the bar/cafe you're entering is in fact the cool place to be. Otherwise linchpin status is immediately revoked.


Unfortunately I have none of these. So far in my quest to take over the 'hood I have:

- Stolen two trolleys, filled them with boxes and left them in the middle of the road
- Had a house party that was triumphantly average (as opposed to depressingly bad)
-Spent too much time in the terrible pub down the road (that is remarkably un-trendy and has an eighties night every weekend)

Thus, until I make the jump from 'average unemployed student' to 'gangsta' I will always have good/average parties, a tendency to drink warm goon (as my freezer is too small) and housemates instead of body guards.