I can make pasta while intoxicated too

I normally reserve making pasta for when I've been home alone for a week and have already eaten everything in the fridge that makes an obvious meal. I once made a killer sauce out of a bag of mint and three red onions (it was either that or a carton of eggs and a bag of carrots).

However tonight, on the first night of my parents being away I made a pasta dish just to show that I can do it too:

• 1 onion
• a splash of white wine from your glass (I definitely didn't spill it)
• 1 clove of garlic
• a handful of home grown and home pickled olives
• several slices of salami

• 2 fresh tomatoes
• tomato paste
• red wine vinegar
• salt (use ionised, it makes you smart) and pepper (black, cracked, it tastes better)
• dried oregano (i used to say o-RAE-geno ironically because that's how silly American's say it. But now I like the way it sounds and say it that way all the time)
• homegrown fresh parsley, rocket and spinach

before cooking: two bottles of kosciusko pale ale

while cooking and eating: three glasses of white wine and a cigarette (cutting the onions was a stressful ordeal and I had to have a smoke with the wine to calm down while they sauted with the garlic and wine)

Recommendations:

• Use more than 2 tomatoes, therefore reducing the need for tomato paste
• Use chicken or even lamb instead of shitty woolworths salami
• Cut up the olives into smaller pieces. This way there is more olive flavour spread around rather than giant lumps of awesomeness that I looked forward to with every bite.
• Make it when there are more fresh greens in the garden. The three leaves of spinach I had were more like one and half due to the holes from caterpillars/other slimy things/the families of rats I often see running along the fence while having a cup of tea at the sink.
• Don't bother with the pasta - the sauce was awesome enough on it's own.
• Drink more before entering the kitchen. Drunk cooking is the best way to pass time. Even if you're not hungry.