Moved back home and can't stand it?
Restrictions on how much you can drink during the day?
Waiting for more Parks and Recreation episodes?
Watch Party Down.
Or I dunno, go for a run or something, fatty.
Tuesday, October 25, 2011
New Love
Friends busy with uni/employment/life?
Moved back home and can't stand it?
Restrictions on how much you can drink during the day?
Waiting for more Parks and Recreation episodes?
Watch Party Down.
Moved back home and can't stand it?
Restrictions on how much you can drink during the day?
Waiting for more Parks and Recreation episodes?
Watch Party Down.
Monday, October 24, 2011
Blonde, Bearded, Feminist.
Oh yeah. I give credit to the Linguist for this link:
Feminist Ryan Gosling
Except that after a good facebook stalk, I think I should be crediting a new LFOW character called Uni-Friend#1. I call her this because she is the first (of two) friends I have made through actual, real-life tutorial attendance (I even added her on facebook!). It was pretty tough, but I haven't failed any of my two whole subjects this semester due to tutorial attendance requirements. I have mad skills, it's pretty hard to keep up....
Expect more on Uni-Friend#2 later.
Feminist Ryan Gosling
Except that after a good facebook stalk, I think I should be crediting a new LFOW character called Uni-Friend#1. I call her this because she is the first (of two) friends I have made through actual, real-life tutorial attendance (I even added her on facebook!). It was pretty tough, but I haven't failed any of my two whole subjects this semester due to tutorial attendance requirements. I have mad skills, it's pretty hard to keep up....
Expect more on Uni-Friend#2 later.
For 'Anonymous'
I woke up thinking about the anonymous comment someone left about vomiting over my penis-dream. Instead of grossing you out, I thought I would share with you my bad-ass dream that left me feeling super powerful and ready to study Irigaray. NB// I'm going to embellish this dream. It will seem really detailed, but it actually wasn't I just thought I would add extra details for funsies.
It started out on a normal, boring weekend day. I was probably hungover, and lying on the couch with my little sister/friend. My little sister says to me 'OH SHIT! I totally forgot that I had tickets to Singapore for a few days. The flight leaves this afternoon and I have a spare ticket - wanna come???'.
I jump up and decide to come along. I don't even bother to pack, I just pick my hungover-night-ee-clad self and jump in a taxi to the airport. Next thing I know I am on a plane and we're scooting off to Singapore. There's hardly anyone else on the plane and the flight reminded me of this amazing trip I had from Auckland to Melbourne a few months ago in which I had four seats to myself and three really fluffy-proper-sized pillows. I was totally loving it and all the flight attendants were way nice. So basically life is fabulous and despite the fact that I'm wearing my dirty night-ee that smells vaguely of goon and body odour every one is being really nice to me.
BUT THEN I remembered that I forgot my passport!! I'm on a plane to Singapore in a night-ee and I don't have a fucking passport. How lame. So I start freaking out a bit. How did I even get onto this plane in the first place? Had we even organised accommodation? How am I going to explain how I got onto an international flight whilst evading immigration? Will they still let me into Singapore if I plead temporary insanity? Will special consideration help me?
I get off the plane and my dream jumps to me having a conversation with a flight attendant. She is way-nice and believes that I've just got myself into a hopeless situation. I ask her what will happen if I can fax my passport to her (in my dream you can fax passports apparently). She got me tea and said no, I couldn't fax my passport to her because it hasn't been stamped in Australia. On paper, I am still in Australia. It's all very stressful. So she pops me onto a plane home, except that the other flight attendants are way-mean and don't want to let me on the next plane. They want me to wait overnight. I'm totally not okay with this, and end up on the proper plane, where all the mean flight attendants won't give me water and food and there are no fluffy pillows.
In retrospect it kind of reminds me of the security breach at Sydney airport recently. It might not seem very fire-y, but I woke up feeling super-excited that I was grown-up enough to confront someone about my passport-nudity in a night-ee. Normally I would just freak out and avoid my problems. Also fluffy pillows are way fun. Fluffy pillows in dreams on airoplanes are even better.
Hope you're feeling less queasy Anonymous!
Evilboy.
It started out on a normal, boring weekend day. I was probably hungover, and lying on the couch with my little sister/friend. My little sister says to me 'OH SHIT! I totally forgot that I had tickets to Singapore for a few days. The flight leaves this afternoon and I have a spare ticket - wanna come???'.
I jump up and decide to come along. I don't even bother to pack, I just pick my hungover-night-ee-clad self and jump in a taxi to the airport. Next thing I know I am on a plane and we're scooting off to Singapore. There's hardly anyone else on the plane and the flight reminded me of this amazing trip I had from Auckland to Melbourne a few months ago in which I had four seats to myself and three really fluffy-proper-sized pillows. I was totally loving it and all the flight attendants were way nice. So basically life is fabulous and despite the fact that I'm wearing my dirty night-ee that smells vaguely of goon and body odour every one is being really nice to me.
BUT THEN I remembered that I forgot my passport!! I'm on a plane to Singapore in a night-ee and I don't have a fucking passport. How lame. So I start freaking out a bit. How did I even get onto this plane in the first place? Had we even organised accommodation? How am I going to explain how I got onto an international flight whilst evading immigration? Will they still let me into Singapore if I plead temporary insanity? Will special consideration help me?
I get off the plane and my dream jumps to me having a conversation with a flight attendant. She is way-nice and believes that I've just got myself into a hopeless situation. I ask her what will happen if I can fax my passport to her (in my dream you can fax passports apparently). She got me tea and said no, I couldn't fax my passport to her because it hasn't been stamped in Australia. On paper, I am still in Australia. It's all very stressful. So she pops me onto a plane home, except that the other flight attendants are way-mean and don't want to let me on the next plane. They want me to wait overnight. I'm totally not okay with this, and end up on the proper plane, where all the mean flight attendants won't give me water and food and there are no fluffy pillows.
In retrospect it kind of reminds me of the security breach at Sydney airport recently. It might not seem very fire-y, but I woke up feeling super-excited that I was grown-up enough to confront someone about my passport-nudity in a night-ee. Normally I would just freak out and avoid my problems. Also fluffy pillows are way fun. Fluffy pillows in dreams on airoplanes are even better.
Hope you're feeling less queasy Anonymous!
Evilboy.
Saturday, October 22, 2011
Pearls of Wisdom
It's been a long time since I posted. To be honest, not much has happened but I figured I would exploit my position of power here to let you all in on some of my infallible wisdom...
1. When you're drunkenly attempting to pick-up, don't lean into people with your tongue sticking out and toward their mouths. I can assure you that you will not get the desired effect and even if the person you're attempting to woo/just make out with for fun does return your attempted kiss, it won't be pretty.
2. Instead of looking for love, try settling for some gangsta cred. The hoodie-clad boy handing you bag-less drugs will do.
3. Ron Weasley is by far the most attractive character in Harry Potter. Try dedicating your life to meeting him slash performing sexual acts for him.
4. If you want something from your family and friends claim to be heart broken. Money will flood in, and you won't have to make your own cup of tea or roll your own cigarette for at least four days.
5. When you've given up on your essays and have decided that it's not worth aiming for high marks, purchase some goon. Make sure that when you invite all of your friends over you tell them that you've nearly finished - this will allow you for a guilt-free night that ends in a satisfying vom and a long, hot shower.
6. Couches do belong in kitchens. Don't fight it.
7. If you run out of money before the weekend, call a sibling or close friend and propose that you share their money for a time. Don't let them know you're broke and spend your last eleven dollars on goon. Proceed as you would if you had given up on an essay.
8. Pay your debts on time.
9. Share all of your horrific dreams with everyone you come into contact with. I had a dream that I had a penis. It was extremely thin and had a bobby pin stuck under the top layer of skin - you could see the outline. I also dreamed that I was molesting a young girl. Dreams allow your life to be slightly more exciting without the guilt or disgust that would exist in the real world.
10. Get your tutors to like you. This just requires a few astute comments at the beginning and end of each tutorial. Lately mine has been something related to Irigaray. Try using the words scopophilic and post-colonial in the same sentence. For the purposes of gender studies throw in the names 'Judith Butler' or 'Toril Moi' or even 'Janice Raymond'.
11. Attempt to know everything about the seventeen year-old son that belongs to your idol. Not only does this provide an hour or two of internet-fun, but it makes you feel closer to them when you read/watch/listen to something they are in.
All of these things will keep you below the line of poverty, entertained and feeling slightly less alive than before.
Hope you didn't miss me too much,
Evilboy.
1. When you're drunkenly attempting to pick-up, don't lean into people with your tongue sticking out and toward their mouths. I can assure you that you will not get the desired effect and even if the person you're attempting to woo/just make out with for fun does return your attempted kiss, it won't be pretty.
2. Instead of looking for love, try settling for some gangsta cred. The hoodie-clad boy handing you bag-less drugs will do.
3. Ron Weasley is by far the most attractive character in Harry Potter. Try dedicating your life to meeting him slash performing sexual acts for him.
4. If you want something from your family and friends claim to be heart broken. Money will flood in, and you won't have to make your own cup of tea or roll your own cigarette for at least four days.
5. When you've given up on your essays and have decided that it's not worth aiming for high marks, purchase some goon. Make sure that when you invite all of your friends over you tell them that you've nearly finished - this will allow you for a guilt-free night that ends in a satisfying vom and a long, hot shower.
6. Couches do belong in kitchens. Don't fight it.
7. If you run out of money before the weekend, call a sibling or close friend and propose that you share their money for a time. Don't let them know you're broke and spend your last eleven dollars on goon. Proceed as you would if you had given up on an essay.
8. Pay your debts on time.
9. Share all of your horrific dreams with everyone you come into contact with. I had a dream that I had a penis. It was extremely thin and had a bobby pin stuck under the top layer of skin - you could see the outline. I also dreamed that I was molesting a young girl. Dreams allow your life to be slightly more exciting without the guilt or disgust that would exist in the real world.
10. Get your tutors to like you. This just requires a few astute comments at the beginning and end of each tutorial. Lately mine has been something related to Irigaray. Try using the words scopophilic and post-colonial in the same sentence. For the purposes of gender studies throw in the names 'Judith Butler' or 'Toril Moi' or even 'Janice Raymond'.
11. Attempt to know everything about the seventeen year-old son that belongs to your idol. Not only does this provide an hour or two of internet-fun, but it makes you feel closer to them when you read/watch/listen to something they are in.
All of these things will keep you below the line of poverty, entertained and feeling slightly less alive than before.
Hope you didn't miss me too much,
Evilboy.
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