For 'Anonymous'

I woke up thinking about the anonymous comment someone left about vomiting over my penis-dream. Instead of grossing you out, I thought I would share with you my bad-ass dream that left me feeling super powerful and ready to study Irigaray. NB// I'm going to embellish this dream. It will seem really detailed, but it actually wasn't I just thought I would add extra details for funsies.

It started out on a normal, boring weekend day. I was probably hungover, and lying on the couch with my little sister/friend. My little sister says to me 'OH SHIT! I totally forgot that I had tickets to Singapore for a few days. The flight leaves this afternoon and I have a spare ticket - wanna come???'.

I jump up and decide to come along. I don't even bother to pack, I just pick my hungover-night-ee-clad self and jump in a taxi to the airport. Next thing I know I am on a plane and we're scooting off to Singapore. There's hardly anyone else on the plane and the flight reminded me of this amazing trip I had from Auckland to Melbourne a few months ago in which I had four seats to myself and three really fluffy-proper-sized pillows. I was totally loving it and all the flight attendants were way nice. So basically life is fabulous and despite the fact that I'm wearing my dirty night-ee that smells vaguely of goon and body odour every one is being really nice to me.

BUT THEN I remembered that I forgot my passport!! I'm on a plane to Singapore in a night-ee and I don't have a fucking passport. How lame. So I start freaking out a bit. How did I even get onto this plane in the first place? Had we even organised accommodation? How am I going to explain how I got onto an international flight whilst evading immigration? Will they still let me into Singapore if I plead temporary insanity? Will special consideration help me?

I get off the plane and my dream jumps to me having a conversation with a flight attendant. She is way-nice and believes that I've just got myself into a hopeless situation. I ask her what will happen if I can fax my passport to her (in my dream you can fax passports apparently). She got me tea and said no, I couldn't fax my passport to her because it hasn't been stamped in Australia. On paper, I am still in Australia. It's all very stressful. So she pops me onto a plane home, except that the other flight attendants are way-mean and don't want to let me on the next plane. They want me to wait overnight. I'm totally not okay with this, and end up on the proper plane, where all the mean flight attendants won't give me water and food and there are no fluffy pillows.


In retrospect it kind of reminds me of the security breach at Sydney airport recently. It might not seem very fire-y, but I woke up feeling super-excited that I was grown-up enough to confront someone about my passport-nudity in a night-ee. Normally I would just freak out and avoid my problems. Also fluffy pillows are way fun. Fluffy pillows in dreams on airoplanes are even better.

Hope you're feeling less queasy Anonymous!


Evilboy.